Pizza is top, you know – I love chowing down on a greasy slice of wonder, a cheesy portion of glut – I just love it. But sometimes, pizza isn’t enough; sometimes, you eat your pizza, and then you want something else. You want something for “afters”. You want something sweet, gooey, delicious, but also, in a strange twist of taste bud-related fate, you want another pizza too.
“But pizzas are savoury!” you screech, tomato sauce dribbling down your chin onto mum’s nice new beige carpet. How can I eat a pizza that is sweet?
Well, you can, specifically, if you order a Lotta-Chocca Pizza from Domino’s. You eat your normal pizza, your normal sides, then immediately afterwards, you eat your abnormal, chocolate pizza, and everything is OK. Your mind is clouded with the dulcet gongs of bliss, your eyes glaze over, your tongue unravels – you are the human version of a cat bingeing on catnip. You are in your element.
Just look at this absolute beautiful disaster:
INTRODUCING OUR NEW LOTTA CHOCCA PIZZA! DELICIOUS WARM DOUGH, WITH MELTED MILK CHOCOLATE ON TOP.
THE PERFECT END TO ANY DOMINO’S DINNER! PIC.TWITTER.COM/FQIWIUSIZF
— Domino’s Cardiff (@CardiffDP) June 19, 2017
Ugh. If that thing isn’t clogging my gullet within the next hour, I shall go ape.
What you’re looking at is a six inch dough base topped with melted milk chocolate. And you’re looking at it (and subsequently eating it) for a mere £4.99, which is worth it at least a thousand times more than any L’Oréal advert.
But beware, this creamy beast doesn’t come without a downside. On their website, Domino’s suggest that it’s designed to be shared between four people, but if you think that I’m letting anyone get their snotty digits on my fat pie, you’ve got another thing coming – that entire thing is sliding down my throat, un-chewed and I couldn’t care less. I couldn’t care less to the tune of 816 calories.
So yeah, it’s not exactly healthy. Particularly after another solo pizza, various sides and a drink. It’s an entire day’s worth of greed, basically, and I am fully on board that extremely moist train.