If you believe that it’s inconceivable for a lawsuit to hinge on a plate of olives, it turns out that you’re completely wrong. That’s because a Montreal man is threatening to sue a local Turkish restaurant because there were olives with pits on the table. As Eater Montreal points out, there’s a precedent for this sort of thing: Former US Representative Dennis Kucinich sued the House cafeteria (and successfully settled) over a similar olive pit complaint in 2011.
The argument in both instances in the danger and possible dental damage olive pits present to the unknowing.
But what about the true issue here? Pitted olives are completely gross and don’t belong on any table at any time.
Let’s consider the olive for a second. Pits give olives their firm structure. With them, they’re the shimmering highlight of charcuterie and meze platters. Without the pits, olives are a briny, saggy mess. They become a deflated, literal shell of their former selves and belong virtually nowhere.
Pitted apologists may argue that the act of removing the pit while eating is “a pain” or “gross,” but it’s nowhere near the level of discomfort and disappointment experienced when you bite into an olive expecting its natural, pit-filled self.
Worried about etiquette at the table? There are, literally, entire message board threads dedicated to the topic.
If you have a jar of pitted Kalamata olives gifted to you in a holiday basket, yes, feel free to load up on them in martinis and bloody marys. But if you have your choice, do yourself (and the olive, really) a favor and opt for the pit.